Ready or in Denial, Part 6: Caregiving

If are you able to take this on, what is all involved in taking care of a loved one as a family caregiver. Are you in denial over the next chapter of caring for someone you love? Or are you ready? Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements joins Suzanne on the Answers for Elders Podcast for the last of their six-part series being prepared for difficult conversations and what comes after.

Daphne says, "I recently met with a family where dad is about 85 years old and mom had passed away a couple of years ago. He's living in his own home and two weeks ago, got a diagnosis of very advanced cancer in his lungs that's metastasized to his stomach. And he has two daughters, one lives about 5 minutes away and the other is about 45 minutes away. And this family had cold water splashed in their face and they were beyond knowing what to do. So I got the phone call, and went over there immediately to help of navigate their next steps, because they had no one to be able to help dad. And Dad wants to die in his own home, and certainly has that right. And we can make that happen.

"But it's going through the whole process of what that meant to his two daughters. And one of the daughters was on the phone because she lives 45 minutes away, and the other daughter was sitting in the living room with us. And you could see the stress. The daughters get along just fine. They're sisters. But there was a significant difference in their perceptions and perspectives and sense of responsibility from being 5 minutes away or 45 minutes away. And so as you're thinking about becoming caregivers as family members for someone, really try hard to be outside of yourself and see the big picture."

When Suzanne was caring for her mom, she says, "Nobody sat me down and said, Mom's not going to get better. What we're doing is not to make her better. It's to make her comfortable. If they just would have said that to me, I would have had a completely different perspective. But health care professionals, they don't do a good job oftentimes of educating the family of where are we at in the process."

Daphne explains, "Health care professionals are on automatic pilot. This is what they do day in, day out. And it's not necessarily that they don't want to. It's just an oversight sometimes. Or it's a time issue, having 15 minutes with you in and out. So as a family caregiver, you might have to be thinking about the companionship and the socialization, boredom. You become the person that sits down and listens to dad's stories, or reads a book to him, or watches the old Westerns with him and seriously are engaged in it. And it's not your time to be taking care of your own bills because Dad does need socialization. He's lonely."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

To final a referral agent in your area, visit the National Placement & Referral Alliance website search.