Gene Hackman's Wife, Caregiver Burnout, and Our Breaking Point

Actor Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa were both in the news recently. Both had been found dead at their home, her from a rare hantavirus and Hackman from advanced Alzheimer's. She had been his primary caregiver. Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements in Seattle, Washington joins Suzanne Newman on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to talk about caregiver burnout. Currently 53 million Americans are family caregivers, providing unpaid assistance to their loved ones with either health conditions, disabilities or aging issues.

Suzanne says, "The thing that's so overwhelming is, she didn't take care of herself. She let her disease progress to the point where she passed away – and she was on the phone with her doctor. Of course, we will never know exactly the facts of that phone call, but the whole point is, it's overwhelming. They tend to ignore their own health, their own symptoms, their own lives. They let themselves go down the rabbit hole, all in the sacrifice of caring for someone else. And this is a classic scenario. "

Daphne says, "It is. But it also isn't necessarily something that's front and center, it sneaks up on them. The power of stress on our bodies is not always able to be seen when you're in it. And sometimes even from your family, if you've got daily routine with your family, they may not see the effects of your added responsibilities and being a caregiver. But internally, your body is is fighting to hang on. And that changes from decade to decade. The more birthdays you have, the more profound stress can be on your body functions. And so when you have a doctor – or a friend, or someone who's visiting you after seeing you maybe a few months ago – really, really listen to what they're saying. Please don't dismiss it."

Daphne adds, "If you're the caregiver, you are in the thick of it and you are in the routine of doing what you do on a daily basis. I'll speak as a daughter. I remember when my mom would say, 'Daphne, today wasn't that bad,' or when she had a really bad day, she'd say, 'Tomorrow will be better,' or one that was really stressful and she was caring for my dad, who had Lewy Body dementia and Parkinson's, when it was a very stressful day and things really were falling apart, that's when she was most often ready to get some additional care. And then the sun comes up the next day, and she says, 'Now, Daphne, I can go another day.'

"It's those deepest days that you really need to listen to, because that's the denominator that determines how much stress you have. Yes, you are a caregiver, and your heart is going to be full of compassion to keep going... You're on this roller coaster, and your body is spitting out adrenaline and cortisol with that roller coaster. And the faster that wave gets on the roller coaster, the more stress you're going to have. We’ve got to give ourselves a break. We have to do it."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.